Rachell Bo Clark · June 2021

Forgetting Rainbows

JUNE:

***

Before I can reflect on what I am communicating through my gestures or speech, my body always already creates the feeling of being-with; it expresses itself through attitude and gestures, and at the same time reacts to the impressions of others. This “intercorporeality” (Merleau-Ponty 2003, 256) forms an overriding, inter-subjective system in which, from childhood on, forms of bodily interaction are established and constantly updated anew. It comprises the self and the others, the conscious and the unconscious: “I do not need to look for the others elsewhere, I find them within my experience, they dwell in the niches which contain what is hidden from me but visible to them” (Merleau- Ponty 1974, 166).

***

And we are standing here, noticing the feeling of our feet against the surface.  Feeling the pull of gravity has it pushes us down, softly.. our feet connect to this floor and I close my eyes and imagine what is under… the layers of material under the floor boards, the pipes and metal, nails, the roof from the floor bellow and then the space…. I am floating here on the second floor.  A pocket of air under me, I breath part of it in.. breathing in my space.  And then there is more wood, more fibres, more pipes – plastic, and a little cold space – concrete space of foundation which is difficult to penetrate but easy to imagine, it sit there over the earth, dampening slowly but never changing its form. I sense the earth, its ruff and sandy texture, we are near water and you can feel it’s ripeness for giving and sharing and holding.  Remember the rain, as you watched from the window those big drops slashing and erupting like tiny gunshots against the garden beds, your outstretched hand not feeling the wetness but rather the rhythm – so instant, the drops raining down like a crying child, out of the sky.  The lithosphere.. the epidermis..  the container of my body and yours.  Hold me together and please don’t let me fall apart.  

***

As I lift my arm, I notice a tiny Beatle that is crawling towards my wrist, I resist the urge to shake it off and watch it as it moves between and over my freckles.  My wings are flapping now and the flowers in the garden have gone to sleep, there was movement in the sky and I remember saying goodbye.  Down on the pier, you waved as the ship left the dock, a white handkerchief in your hand.. we will see each other again.. because I dream of your so often.  Take my hand and I will pull you with me.  I am stronger now from working in the orange orchard, I have gained back my strength.  I can can hold you with me.  Come under this tent that I call home for now.  Look how beautiful it is, how the light only half penetrates the surface… your look purple – the light is making your skin glow.. If we close our eyes and be quiet we could stay here, live here, be safe here. I thinking about the moment we were born, pushed out of that dark hole, it was so shocking, all the bright lights, entering the stage but I did not want to be the main attraction… I just wanted to be the back up dancer.. put me back in the shadows where I will crawl and thrive quietly. 

***

A STUDY ON SPACE

Can you imagine the space between your eyes

Can you imagine the space that fills the nostrils 

Image and sense the space that fills the lips 

Can you imagine the space that fills the tongue 

Can you Imagine and sense the space that fills the whole mouth, tongue teeth gums lips 

Can you Imagine and sense the space that fills the brain 

Can you Imagine the throat.. imagine the space that fills the neck

Can you imagine and sense the distance between your shoulders

And now imagine and sense the space that fills the shoulders 

Can you imagine the length and the volume of your arms

Can you imagine and sense the space that fills your thumb

Can you imagine the space that fills for fore-finger

Can you imagine and sense the space between the thumb and the forefinger

Can you imagine and sense the space that fills the middle finger

Can you imagine and sense the space that fills the ring finger 

Can you imagine the space that fills the little finger, the pinky

Can you imagine the space that fills all the fingers and the space between

Can you imagine space between the palms and the back of the hands

Can you imagine the space that fills the whole hand

Can you imagine the space that fills the heart

Can you imagine the distance between either side of your chest

Can you imagine the distance between the breast bone and the spine 

Can you imagine and sense that fills the whole cavity of the chest

Can you imagine the distance between the sides of your waist

Can you imagine the distance between the belly button and the spine

Can you imagine the space that fills the whole abdominal cavity 

Can you imagine the length and the volume of your legs. 

Can you imagine the space that fills the feet

Can you imagine the space that fills the whole body 

Can you imagine the interior space from which all sensations are arising 

Can you imagine the space that extends beyond your right side, out beyond the most distance stars

Can you imagine the space that extends beyond your left side, out beyond the most distance stars

Can you imagine the space in-front of you, that extends out beyond the most distance stars

Can you imagine the space behind you, that extends out beyond the most distance stars

Can you imagine the space in-front of you and behind you, that extends out beyond the most distance stars

Can you imagine the space below you, extending out beyond the most distance stars

Can you imagine the space above you extending out beyond the most distance stars

And can you imagine that, the vastness of outer space and the vastness of inner space are continuous

Can you image that this continuous space is full

Can you image that this continuous full space is the space of your sensing body 

Can you image that everything that arrises, is part of this awake space

Can you image that everything belongs: sensations, feelings, sounds, thoughts, in this awake boundless space

Can you imagine that this full and sensing space, holds and listens to all that arrises within it. 

JULY

Prologue: 

I want to take you into my body.  Into its depths, into its painful, pleasurable and elastic parts.  

I want you to take another breath in with my lungs and feel how my body expands differently to yours.. how my body collapses in subtle ways as we exhale, how my breath taste and how warm it is in here. 

Music stops:

I want you stay for a while.  I give you my consent to be here.  To exist here and come with me on this trip through my layers.  

Lets begin.. Allowing ourselves to sense the fields of perception and fantasy through our encounter with our bodies past, present and future.

Ending:

And as if she had duplicated herself, I see many bodies.. arching and dipping in an endless clockwork rotation, contained in the central sphere, never daring to exit the light.  The more they dance, the more bodies appeared.. opaque bodies, old bodies, lost bodies capturing the movement each time in their own special way and then letting it disappear to become new again and again and again..  

until the dance was so familiar that we could join, join this dance from anywhere.. closing our eyes and remembering the feeling of her breath with yours, it takes you here so we can dance together. Existing together or just be here.. with all of us.   

Keep your eyes closed and listen along with me, notice how the shadows play across your eyelids.  Notice how it’s getting colder.  Put your hand on mine and let’s take a breath and say goodbye. 

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